Well Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon (STWM) is a week today, this is the biggest run so far in my running life. For 2016, this run is for all the marbles. It’s either go big or go home. But the ultimate question is, am I ready?! I’m going to answer, no. Do I feel I’ve done all I can do to be ready, no but I’ve accepted life and summer of 2016.
I was beyond proud of my time for the RBC Race For The Kids 15k. I took 12mins off my previous 15k time. But this half has me getting out paper and driving Blair completely nuts. I’ve listened to him 100% for training, time and pace. I even went online myself to some site and plugged in info to see if the time I have in my head is achievable. This is what it came up with:
So, someone in the cyberworld has come up with this time, not knowing me or my struggles, but what this someone doesn’t know is this half is mine. Mine alone. My heart is going to carry me through all 21kms.
To me now it’s a mental game. A mental game to get in under 3:30. It’s doable but will the weather conditions next Sunday make it obtainable. Will I have a good run or will it be one of those runs that my legs feel like I have cement blocks on for shoes. This are all questions I keep rolling around in my mind. Will I maintain the right pace as per what’s going to be on my arm. Will I struggle?
Again it’s the mental game. So I had a long long talk tonight with Blair. He calmed me. He gave me a food plan for the days before. He gave me the home stretch information. He just made me realize that it’s ok to be over 3:30 but he wants me to push myself to get that goal done. He keeps reminding me the goal will keep the drive high and I’ll be crazy determined.
I have so far 2 more half’s in 2017. So what ever happens next Sunday, I can set new PB and just have fun.
I honestly can’t even name what the fear is or if I have a fear. It’s nerves. Are these nerves stage fright? Once you get going they just go away? I don’t think I’d be normal if I didn’t have nerves.
So at the end of me over analyzing everything, over thinking and realizing how big this run actually is. It just comes down to the individual goal and it being me against me. My heart over my mind and my legs agreeing with my heart. The biggest challenge is not finishing but just having the courage to start.
I will compete with no one but myself. I will not give up. Everything about next week is individual.
But I will cross the finish and I will be smiling. (Or crying cause I did it)